Your Daily Awkward

My dad has some really interesting cousins that I don't know very well.
They are really interesting.

Like, a few weeks ago when my dad went to a funeral, everyone received a parting gift of a nude self-portrait done by the deceased.

I'll let that one sink in.

So my dad's cousin called my mom the other day and, among other items, had this conversation:

Cousin: So what are Ann's wedding colors?
Mom: It's Erin.
Cousin: Oh, well, I like to make blankets for people for their wedding, do you know what her wedding colors are?
Mom: I don't think they have decided yet, it's a little early.
Cousin: Oh, well, do you know if she's a virgin? If she is, I'll make a white blanket.
Mom: I... don't... know.


I don't even have commentary. I just can't. Words. There are none.

I called Mr. Perfect immediately to share the news about our gift.
He was silent for at least 30-45 seconds.
Then said, "You are lying."
"No I'm not!" I said.
"Is this one of those things where I'm supposed to guess which part of the story is true and which is a lie?"
"No. This is my family."