The Many Faces of Erin

Last night was ... incredible. It was strange and silly and gross and fun and awkward. Everything I look for in a night out. I'm overwhelmed considering recapping the entire experience right now, but I did just go through my photos from the end of the night and found this series, which I found highly entertaining.

And yeah, there was no reason for making these faces. Well, at this point in the night there wasn't.

If You're Planning on Acting Ridiculous, You Might as Well Look Ridiculous

At least that, along with Walk Like an Egyptian, is my theme tonight.

See you bitches in Westport.

Best email ever

It's pancake time beotch!


from Shell. Loves it.

On Palin

Took the words outta my mouth!

She might be on to something...

“Oh Cheesus” might very well be the new “GFY” - Shea

Well Cheesus Christ!

How in the name of all things food and slightly holy (looking), did I miss Cheesus?? Cheesus was found in my own great state of Missouri! And I missed it! Cheesus.

Shea, I appreciate you sharing the link on Google Reader, but Cheesus, didn't you think it was important enough to e-mail or IM? I mean, we're talking about Cheesus here.

As I completed my extensive research for this post, as I always do, (and when I say always I mean never), I found that there are multiple Cheesuses! Cheesii?

That means someone is worshipping a false Cheesus - and I think it's the people getting their Cheesusus (no? still wrong?) from Cheesus Industries. Yes. An entire industry devoted (heehee) to Cheesus.

I may start calling GDSean CheesusChristSean. Cheesus will now replace Jesus in my life. But only in cursing/blasphemy centered parts of my life.

They are the same thing

You must read.
I hope/assume that she was saying it in a totally cute sing-song way. You should too.

It feels that way

Shell recounts a story about a "friend" who just happens to have kids the same ages as hers with burning questions about their parent's use of alcohol.

So glad the "friend" shared.

Anywho, I think I'm drunk all the time as well.

Who needs to know the rest?

My 60ish year old boss to my coworker:
"Hey, are the Cheetah Girls the ones that..."

Yes, it's only half a quote.
Our laughing interrupted his question.

To Future Husband, from Future Erin

This blog post is hilarious. It eerily captures what I assume my future husband will have to endure/what Mr. Perfect is already tolerating.

I found that link via Georgia over at The State That I am In. Yes, Georgia of the McNuggitini fame.

Yes, I just (quite erroneously) linked to myself in reference to her fame, as in my linking gave her gave fame. But would you expect any less from me? Hell to the no!

Anywho, Georgia is not just a fun blogger, she's an excellent writer.

Check them both out!

Loves it.

This is insanely beautiful and amazing.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo that I found on Original Analog Machine.

Lucky Lucky

The other day I was driving north on 71 near downtown. I can never remember what the speed limit is, well, anywhere on 71, but especially there.

As I saw a cop leaning out of his car with a radar gun, I looked at my speedometer and slowed down. I was going ... something over 70. (I was with the flow of traffic, Mom!)

I wasn't sure what the speed limit was, but knew that over 70 was over for sure. And since I never see cops until I'm passing them, it wasn't like I really had time to slow down before getting to him.

About 10 seconds later I pass a speed limit sign.

45.

I mean, shouldn't I have like, gone to jail or something?
Like, at least get pulled over?

Meanwhile Shell got pulled over and got a ticket for running a red light that was yellow the entire time she drove through the intersection.

I don't know if it's a joke or not...

But it's hysterical.

K-diddy sent me a link to Christopedia a while ago, but I just now had time to really check it out.

Holy crazy Christians Batman!

I honestly can't tell if this is a joke site or not. It's so crazy, it just might not be a joke.

All it takes is a quick peek at the home page to see a quick informative on the Catholic Church:
The Roman Catholic Church, often referred to simply as the "Catholic Church", is the largest criminal organization in the world, with about one billion adherents.

Or a quick and vital stat about our President:
That George W. Bush's reproductive organ is 21 inches long... when flaccid?

Obviously that little gem coupled with this factoid about Bush "His favorite film is Akira Kurosawa's 1952 classic "Ikiru," and he has memorized every word of the dialogue in the original Japanese. " make it seem like a joke site, but... yeah, I don't know. There seems to be some honesty crazy mixed in as well.

Regardless of intent, it's hysterical. Enjoy.

Thank you Shea!

This site is so amazing, I don't know how to thank Shea enough!

Sweeted Condensed

K-did: WTF is "condensing love"?

me: well, it's a loving saying that is really a stab

K-did: lol
What does that have to do with soup?

me: huh?

K-did: I think the word you're looking for is "condescending"

me: omg
that's hysterical
I didn't even notice
either time

K-did: Yeah, you're a little condense.

me: my brain is condensed

K-did: :)

Brothas

I love having three older brothers.

Right after K-Diddy sent me this link in an e-mail with the subject line "Teehee," Pat sent me this:

I love my boys.

Key Word

Helzberg has a new billboard I saw yesterday near Lee's Summit. It features one of the I am Loved buttons they are known for that has a KC Chiefs logo on it.









And a very important word/slap in the face.



Unconditionally.



Aww, poor Chiefs! Season hasn't even started and people are already patting them on the back with condescending* love.


*Yes, it did say condensing.

GFY, but first, bring me an Old Milwaukee Light

My family has quite an array of strange stories, but I was impressed with this one, not only because of its randomness, but also because it took all day for Pat to nonchalantly tell it to me via e-mail.


Pat:
This was found on our neighbor last night, who in turn was found on our deck this morning asleep in one of our deck chairs-after spending the night there. He told Ang he was waiting for me to bring him an Old Milwaukee Light. The problem was, I told him last night when I took the picture that I didn’t have any beer, and he never told me he was going to wait until I went to the store Monday morning before work to buy him some beer.





Erin:
you're joking, right??
You did not find him asleep on your deck... did you?





Pat:
No angie did





Erin:
oh
my
god





Pat:
I chastised Angie for not getting any pictures, but I think she was in so much shock she just wanted him off the deck. She has seen someone in our backyard several times before.





Erin:
that is just so so so strange. So he was hanging out with you last night & then never left? Or did he come back?





Pat:
No, I went across the street to close his truck door, then I knocked on this house door to tell him I did that. He came out reeking of booze all the time professing he hadn’t drank anything for two days, even though I found a half empty liter bottle of vodka in his truck where he had sat for an hour earlier in the night. After he came out he was saying how he wanted an Old Mil. I told him I didn’t have any beer, and that I had just commented to Angie how I wanted a beer also. He said he was going to go get eight (8?? WTF?) old mils and put them in his garage fridge. That was it and Ang & I went home and went to bed.





Erin:
holy alcoholic, batman!

Bad call

Thursday night at the Blue Moose, Hurricane spots a guy at the table behind us texting on his phone. "Erin, ask him if he would rather be somewhere else!" Our new standard bitchy remark to anyone that ever even thinks to pull out a phone in a thirty foot radius of us.

I did it.
Without hesitation.
With immediate regret.
And it was the most awkward damned thing ever.
He like, couldn't really hear me, then we both had to try to explain why I was calling him out...

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would suggest utilizing this line to be rude to friends and family only. Could possibly work as a pickup line, but will most likely make you look like a biznatch.

The newest Spice!

Just got back from a presentation.
Out of three firms that were pitching today, I was the only woman.

I get totally pumped and proud of myself in a really cheesy way about being the only woman.

I decided since I was getting all girl power up in this joint that I should be added to the Spice Girls.

I would like to introduce... myself.
Professional Spice.


FYI - I saw Spice World in the theaters and have performed a lip sync to Wannabe. Don't hate, celebrate.

As seen at the Blue Moose

A Frenchman?

Please tell me he was at a costume party before this, because there is no excuse for that shirt, hat and mustache combo.

When Hurricane & I saw a girl standing at the bar with a very... unfortunate choice in fabrics for her dress, we had to get a picture. Hurricane had some trouble getting a shot of her with utilizing our normally stealth-ish methods. Yeah, that's just me, busting our cover.

Butt (I love puns), we finally got it.

Look kids, this jersey material, while affordable and totally comfortable, is not a wise choice if it will be near your body. It clings. To underwear, cellulite, lumps, curves, and, as our model shows us, your crack.

Ew.

Sorry I had to show you that, but Melinda & I really felt it was our duty to spread the word and spare some cheeks.

Oh, and Nick, this post is totally dedicated to you, my friend!

Mady

That's right, I got to spend quality time with this lovely lady as well. My goddaughters are so beautiful.

Perfect Day

I spent today in Leavenworth with Pat, Ang and the kiddies. Look at this butterball of baby love. Miss Luci. My love. Jack, Man of Action!It was fabulous. I got free clothes, headlights and many other much-needed repairs to the car, and an amazing steak dinner. Oh, I also got schooled by a six-year-old in Sorry/life. Not the game life, just life in general. Grace had many great tidbits of information to share with me throughout the day, but I've collected the most poignant for you.

"Well, this tooth (pointing at spot where tooth formerly resided in her mouth) I sold to Pappa Mike. I got him to buy it for more than the Tooth Fairy was giving me! I kept trying to trick the Tooth Fairy, but it didn't work." - Yes, that's right. After my dad told her she should hold out for more money from the Tooth Fairy, she decided to instead sell her teeth to him. At a mark-up, of course.

When Ang asked Gracie if she thought I was a hot mama, Grace replied, "Yeah, but when she has kids, woooh, look out!" I'm still trying to figure out what exactly that means, but I don't think it's good.

"They're married to God!" Grace whispered to me when her nun-neighbor came outside. After saying hi to Sister, Grace then yelled over to her, "ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE BABIES WITH GOD?"

Sister laughed and said no, that's why she likes hanging out with them.

Oh, and in case you're wondering how Sorry playing turned out, well, Grace was totally right. I apparently did not watch and learn, I was more on the crash and burn side.

While playing sorry with Gracie and Ang, I got some dirt on Grace. Apparently she got totally busted for habitually stacking the deck! She would "shuffle" which included her putting multiple two's (which allow you to both leave Start and draw again) followed by one's. Tricky tricky... If only I could blame that for my loss tonight. Dang.

Oh, and she had fun celebrating her win. In case you wondered.

Dang.

Oh well, the no bake cookies made up for it. Mmmmm, butter...sugar...chocolate...mmmmmmAnd OMG, I found my new favorite disgusting hobby. Fly catching. Not swatting, but catching with a little bug vacuum thingy. It's... amazing. It sucks the flies in, then you can trap them in with a little door. Then I kill them. Yeah. That's right. I don't let the suckas free.


So yeah, fun with kids, hanging with Pat & Ang, getting the car fixed, eating awesome food, killing bugs... it was the perfect Sunday. Perfect.

But that's where I am...

Dear New Market,
If you are going to have two buildings, located within a block of each other, both named Grange No. 362, could you maybe tell people? Or maybe have a little note at the bottom of each sign? Something like, "If you've been wondering where your coworkers are, walk south, take a right. They should be about half a block away."

Here's where I was...

Here's where my coworkers were.

The view of where I was waiting, from the door of where my coworkers were waiting. I was at the blue building with red doors.

It took an embarrassing long amount of time and many, "but that's where I am! What do you mean you're at the front door of Grange 362?!" before sorting the entire thing out. Boo to you, New Market! I should have known better when I saw that all of your streets are alleys. It's like you have no respect for your own streets if you're going to automatically demote them to alleys.

Sorry!

"Watch and learn, or you'll crash and burn." - Gracie, to me, before we start playing Sorry! We'll see what happens.

Mom, don't watch it. Seriously.

In a continued celebration of the Summer of Love, I bring you (thanks to GDSean) a tribute to GFY.

EC'ing Baby!

I got Mady some BabyLegs from Mady & Me in PV.
As Shell & I read the packaging, we couldn't figure out what EC'ing was.
I did a little googlin' & was disgusted to find that it's basically infant potty training.

Then I found this site, and more specifically this paragraph, which I read out loud to Shell in my creepiest faux-sexy/soft-core voice. Read at your own risk. But if you do read, read it out loud. It's gloriously creeptastic.

As the August sun dips towards the trees, I sit on my back patio enjoying the warm air with a new friend. We met last week at the organic food co-op and connected immediately. She accepted my invitation to visit without hesitation. As we chat, I am drawn to her lucid pregnant beauty. Her firm round belly blossoms with child. She glows with open curiosity and anticipation, as we ponder the miracle of birth and new life. While we speak, my six-month-old son lounges contentedly in my arms. Mid-sentence, I am distracted by an intuitive inkling that summons my complete attention.
"Excuse me just a moment," I say to my friend. "This little guy needs to pee."

I consider going indoors but opt instead to remove myself several paces to an out-of-the-way bush. I cradle my baby in a squatting position, slip his shorts down, and say "pee-pee." Immediately, he relieves himself. I pull up his pants and return to continue my conversation.

"How did you know...? How did he…? That's amazing!" exclaims my friend.

"Yes, it is," I agree, "and at the same time, it's become as natural and ordinary to me as nursing him when he's hungry".

"I didn't know that was possible. Tell me more," she requests, drawing her chair closer. And so begins another journey into a deepening bond between mother and baby, as I share with her the wonderful rediscovery of Natural Infant Hygiene.
-Natural Wisdom

Ew. I don't think this lady could have made Natural Infant Hygiene any more porntastic if she would have tried.

dang it

Maybe she was right. It kinda looks like a wig for some reason.

Thanks.

"There's something about it that I think you will be laughing at years from now." - Shell, on my new haircut. Which she followed up with, "that doesn't mean it's not cute now..."

And why would I?

Landlord: So every time you shower, it leaks down on your neighbor below you.
Me: Hm. Wow.
Landlord: Yeah, don't feel bad, it's not your fault, it's my fault.
Me: Yeah, I know. I don't. At all.

Best Gymnastics Performance, ever?

Thanks Erin!

DFL Olympiads to Gold Medalists, "GFY"

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?

Nah, if you can't beat, then make fun of other people that can't beat them either.

In case you're wondering, and haven't hovered your mouse over one of the three letter abbreviations on the site, DFL = dead fucking last.

And we all know what GFY means. It's the summer of love. GFY.


Mom, give K-did some props for the link.

Actually, that really IS my blog

On Tue, Aug 19, 2008 at 9:21 AM, Erin wrote:

Thought you might find this funny. One of Nick's co-workers/friends was over last night and somehow you/your blog came up in conversation. We ended up bringing it up to show him and all Nick wanted to see were the random pics you take of yourself in front of weird looking people. I told him I couldn't find a key-word to automatically bring up those pics and he was super annoyed. He couldn't believe you wouldn't link those b/c in his mind that IS your blog. I explained that you have a lot more info than that, but he still wanted me to search through 2 years of posts to find the right pics.



I don't know what Nick is talking about.

Head on, where are you??

KC, you are giving me a headache.

Literally.

I'm ready to leave again now.

Guest Haiku

Pat always seems inspired by Haiku Tuesday:

Got new car Friday

Left Armada in gear, oops!

Need new car Sunday

Best card I've received in quite a while

Thanks Hurricane.

Vomit. In my mouth.

So disgusting/my nightmare.

Haiku Tuesday

Panera baby

Screams like an alien child

Mom thinks it's so sweet

Good rule of thumb

Kansas City here I come!

I can't believe I'm actually going home tomorrow.
I've been gone now for two and a half weeks.
Thankfully, I recorded a voice memo on my phone of where I parked.
I wonder how hot my apartment will be.
I wonder how much it will smell.
I bet my TV and DVR miss me.
I hope my cat is ok.

As seen in DC

I'm elegant, like totally fucking elegant

Saturday night Mr. Perfect & I went out in Chinatown. Rocketbar has some good potential, but was so packed that it was difficult to enjoy. Benefit of being crammed against the ATM machine in a bar? Good lighting.
Mr. Perfect and I started a major trend at Rocketbar. When we got there, the skee ball machines were looking pretty lonely in the corner. Within minutes of us starting to play, there was a line of people waiting for their turn. I like to think they were inspired by my 100 and back-to-back 50's. (anyone else think it's bullshit they don't list skee ball on their website? Or maybe... maybe they're trying to keep it on the DL...)

So Saturday night was one of those strange nights where I got a lot of compliments. Genuine compliments, not commentpliments that I'm used to. Anywho, it was strange.

First, a girl decided I looked just like Katherine McPhee. Ok, I'm down with that. I'll take that.

Then, a girl told me that I looked elegant. I realized after looking "elegant" up later that it was a compliment too! I had really never thought I'd hear the day I would hear my name and elegant used together. And not as like, an example of opposites.

Later some girls told me that my hair looked how they always wished theirs would (it's the prom hair, I'm telling ya!). Hell yeah, I was on a damned roll!

Annnnd, shockingly, I really got no photographic evidence of my outrageous hotness. And I really can't decided if I'm like, DC hot because girls here maybe are more like, politically inspired than fashion inspired, or if I'm truly hot. I'll go with truly hot. He agrees.

Nighttime at the Air Force Memorial

Mr. Perfect & I stopped by the Air Force Memorial on our way home Friday night. Hey, Mr. Perfect, is that the Pentagon?
Hey, what are you looking at? Hey! HEY!Oh, you were just looking where? Yeah right. Are all of our vacation photos going to included such amazing candid shots? You are so busted.

Overheard in Urban Outfitters

Cashier to customer: Yeah, it's called buyers remorse. There's a wikipedia page on it.

Secrets don't make friends, but I have plenty of friends.

Ever wondered how you can make the person in the car next to you so disgusted that they pull away - even while stopped at a red light?


Well, now I know.

In case you didn't feel lazy or worthless enough

A friend of a friend of whatever sent me this:

Sorry for the mass e-mail, but I wanted to let all of you know about the Labor of Love Walk III - Guatemala 24, which is taking place during Labor Day Weekend. My dad will be walking 24 hours straight from 5 p.m., Aug. 30 to 5 p.m., Aug. 31 around the Rockhurst High School track to try to raise $80,000 to purchase a home for special needs orphans in Guatemala.

If you're in town, stop by anytime throughout the 24 hours but especially from 2 p.m. - 5 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 31 when there will be food, music, games (we all love moonwalks!!!) and more.

Or you can make a difference from the comfort of your own home by making a donation through the walk's Web site, www.laboroflovewalk.com. There's only a short amount of time left to raise this money, or else the orphanage director and special needs children will have no home.

Please check out the Web site to see pictures of these AMAZING kids and learn more about the walk and worthy cause. Please share this Web site with everyone you know ... even if they don't know who I am or my dad is or where Guatemala is located on a map :)

www.laboroflovewalk.com

As seen in Maryland

My coworker saw me taking a picture of a ring in a jewelry store and immediately started making fun of me - saying "This is it! The ring I want!"
Yeah. Then I showed him the picture. It's... it's.... horribly amazing.

Hey! Someone made a sign for the Aggieteers official motto!
This is just funny. The guy is waiting to catch poop. Reminds me of the awesome sign I snagged a shot of in Spain - it showed little poops with the dog. I also thought this was a pretty harsh sign in general. It says to me, "Your dog is ruining my drinking water. Also, I have nothing better to do than worry about dog poop."

Waffle House Wedding

I mean, I think the title really says it all. I can't add anything else. I'm speechless. I wouldn't even know where to start... the plethora of cigarettes, the little kid picking his nose, the Jesus shirts, the commentary... it's just all too much.

Here's a preview:

found on List of the Day

Holy Frederick Batman!

Frederick, Maryland is so damn cute it's making me angry.

I now understand how you all must feel about me on a daily basis.

As the lady at Birdies yelled at me when I tried on the most horrible and inappropriate swimsuit ever, Frederick is, "fucking incredible!"

Tough Life

Caroline is the most sensitive and intuitive person I know.

Which is scary.

She's going into the first grade.

Upgrade

I found out that I'm not returning to KC until next Wednesday.

It's slightly bogus and also more than slightly awesome because I get to spend more time with Mr. Perfect. This is an unprecedented level of hanging out with each other - I explained it to Mr. Perfect like this:

Erin: it's like we are on a sitcom and my character just got upgraded from a walk on to a recurring guest star!

Mr.Perfect: i'd watch that
i'd tivo that


So while I win and Mr. Perfect wins and D.C. in general wins, KC loses. Sorry kids. I promise to come home.

Terrifying.

Thanks a lot K-Did.

Somebody's dad ... waving

I've had a post by MoxieMama sitting in my Google Reader, patiently waiting for me to watch the embedding video. I knew it was a must see after reading her intro: Handsome sent me this video today, knowing that I always thought "Secret Agent Man" was "Secret Asian Man" as a child....

I just watched it, and holy balls it's the most glorious thing ever.
It basically sums up me & music. I love it.

It does a body good

I missed breakfast this morning - I slept in.

So I'm having leftover chips and a coke.

Who says you can't be healthy on the road?

Blasphemy can be fun. Or it can kill you.

A link this random can only come from K-did.

Life's a Beach

Mr. Perfect looked a little nervous last Friday as we embarked on our first trip together. Or bored. I, on the other hand, was ecstatic.
Because of this. It's like heaven is shining down on it. That would be two fried eggs, cheese, a hamburger patty, pickles, mayo and ketchup.
Holy balls it was amazing.
Thank you Five Guys. Thank you.
(When it's $1 to add a hamburger to your breakfast sandwich, never say no)

Awww! Now he's ready!


FLORIDA!
I enjoyed being able to pick random flowers on the side of the road. They helped my beach hair look a bit more intentional.
Nap time on the beach.
This is one of about 50 pictures I took of Mr. Perfect.

This may have been around picture 50. He's starting to look annoyed. Because he knows....
I'm really taking self-portraits!


heheee... so sneaky!

Actually, that picture is probably of me laughing and repeating the same phrase over and over, "Your trunks are totally see-through! They're totally see-through! I can see your butt! I can see everything! They're see-through!!"

And it was true.
And hysterical.
And possibly illegal.

Dear Ralph Lauren,
Next time you make blue & white stripped swimming trunks, let's make sure the white stripe is directly across the junk and see-through - kthnxbai!



From the beach, looking back at our hotel - the Sirata. The beach was awesome. Really soft white sands, and lots of real estate to camp on.

I could do this all day.

Mr. Perfect, however, could not. Well, at least not with his sunburn. He claims he is ready for Barbados now that he has the burn out of the way.

Oh yeah, did I not mention? This was our practice vacation. Real vacation is to Barbados in ... three weeks or so? For a week. Oh. Hell. Yes.

In sum, Florida has: sun, beaches, Mr. Perfect (for a few more days), gator bites and other assorted gastronomical feats of genius

West Virginia has: work, long meetings

Can I go back now?