Pee Report

Amanda was gracious enough to file a report for Erin in the Real World:

At first Chad leaned over to me and said “Walker got racked in the nuts!” but I could spot that little kid “I gotta go” dance from a mile away. (note: Amanda is after all an elementary school teacher!) It seemed like it lasted forever, maybe because of the total shock I was in. He definitely shoved about 3 towels down there though. And everyone could tell what he was doing because no one else on the bench was standing up. At first the crowd was real quiet, but then you could tell people were figuring it out. Of course the student section cheered him on the whole time!

The First Dance at Hurricane Melinda's Wedding

Video and Code Provided by WhoIsTheMonkey.com

And can I say that is one sexified wedding dress? Dang.

(no, that's not actually my Hurricane, but I think she needs to take notes from this bride, fo' sho'.)

Brings new meaning to the term "Power Towel"

This is so gross.
So so so gross!

And why did it have to be a K-Stater?? I thought only KU fools did that kind of stuff.

Seriously man, the guy couldn't wait 2 more minutes to (literally) pee off the court? And what happens when mid-stream you run out of towels? Ugh.

I win! Or... do I lose?

100%

ALCOHOLIC

Take that emaw!

If Mom asks..

This is what the whole 2 girls 1 cup thing is.

Promise, it's Mom/work safe.

Chuck + Huck

Told you. Chuck picks the winner.

I need one too...

Someecards.com has the answer to all your problems. Or the question? Regardless, it's fun.

Happy Hour for Greg Beck

Greg's birthday is on Tuesday, December 4th, and there will be a get together at the Record Bar for it.

The Record Bar's dinner special will be Greg's Per-fuckin-fect Fried Chicken. It should be an interesting mix of bar friends, blogger friends, and family (Greg's sister and mom will stop by).

Where: The Record Bar
1020 Westport Road
Kansas City, MO 64111
http://www.therecordbar.com/

When: Tuesday, December 4th
5:30… 6:00… whenever you can get there

Update: Ok, so in my hurry to post this I didn't link back/explain that Michelle asked KC bloggers to post this. So anonymous, yeah, calm down.

Awww man! Come on!

Just went to the Ladies at work.

There are two magazines on the counter, purposefully laid at an angle on top of each other.
Gross!

I do not want to even see that there is reading material in the women's restroom at work!

And not to be sexist, and certainly not to assume that women don't poop (don't worry, it's not a link to 2 girls, 1 cup) or anything, but I was a little surprised to see that in a women's restroom. AT WORK. ewwwwww

I asked my coworker, also in the room at the time, what the etiquette was, if I could throw them away immediately or had to wait. She determined a 24 hour waiting period was appropriate.

Ew.

Reality Check

Today at lunch with some coworkers I said, "So, word is Britney is pregnant again!" One coworker replies, "Yeah, at least she's not adopting babies from China anymore."

Everyone at the table nodded in unison, minus one guy. He said, "Who is she? Is she in your division?"

No, we don't actually work with her.
Or know her.
We're just pathetic and talk like we are her bff's.

He was all embarrassed, but I reminded him that we were the ones that should be ashamed, not him.

Hot in herrrrr

I usually spare you loyal readers from things like this, but, damn!
I'm sweating so much today.
I feel like I'm in a freakin' Sure ad, starring as "unsure girl number 2."

It's ridonkulously hot at work this week. I thought wearing a little wrap dress would help. It's not. I just want to unwrap it, but not in a sexy way, in a "if I unwrap my dress then I can use it to mop up my sweat" way.

I'm a sweaty kid anyway, but it's only 10a.m., this shouldn't be allowed!

Blast.

I'll try to keep my hygiene to myself, at least for the rest of the day.

Yes, it was THAT long ago.

Just got a call from the insurance about my most recent wreck. I was laughing during most of it because this is how the lady started the conversation:

"We just got a call about an accident that happened, let's see back on..."

*I interrupt*

"Last Wednesday. Back on last Wednesday."

Because last Wednesday was that freaking long ago. An entire week. Every time I thought about how it happened back on... I started to laugh.

Then when she reviewed the details she told me that it, "sounds like you forgot how to drive." Ouch! She was referring to the fact it was the first bad weather/slightly wet/icy day, but damn!
I replied, "I didn't really think that was what happened, but ok."

The Eyes Have It

I went to the eye doctor today. Highlights:


I am an amazing standardized test taker. 95th percentile, minimum. Love 'em. No Child Left Behind was written for me.

That said, when the eye doc asks, "Which is better, 1.... or 2...?" I panic. I always think I'm answering wrong and I'm usually waiting for the doctor to say, "What the hell is your problem? You're contradicting yourself non-stop! Idiot!" I also stress out over reading the lowest line possible. B's, D's, O's - they're all the freaking same. I get this nervous laugh when I'm not sure which it is, which is every time.

It's the only standardized test I can't handle.


On another note, the doctor got some new contacts for me to try. She walked in the room and totally caught me off guard by saying, "Do you want me to put them in or do you want to?"

"Umm, you?"

WHAT!?!? Why did I say that!?!? Why did I tell the doctor to put my contacts on my eyeballs for me? I instantly thought of (old) people that take communion on their tongue. It's just... so personal and strange.

So me, being the awkward self I always am, said something strange about, "how often do you get someone else to put them in for you?"

Painful.

So tiny...

Shoebox has a blog, and I am falling head over heels in love with it. Their Thanksgiving posts are especially choice.

Straight from Match.com

LaQuisha just got this email from a real winner on Match.com, he's located in Florida. She's in KC. Big L says he wants phone sex. I think he wants dress up phone sex. Role playing phone sex. And why is his screen name something about New York? Ugh. Why am I still asking questions about Captain Douche? And how many amazing hits am I going to get to this blog from all these awesome keywords (douche, phone sex, role play, match.com).

I am not making any of this up. This is why I haven't got online dating yet. The youtube clip really just makes the email. Don't miss it.

Subject: Psst have a question for ya, come closer

In the last Samurai Katsumoto said to Captian Algren, I love to look at the lotus blossoms when they are in bloom. One could spend an entire life time in search for the perfect one and still not have wasted his life time. Are you mine? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N1dKLfPMwk

Threat Level: Yellow

Ok, so I wasn't trying to be melodramatic (I don't know what that means!) or anything lately. Problem is, when I started this blog I didn't really think anyone would read it other than K-daddy. Honestly, he really has like, nothing else to do. I also didn't make any rules for myself. I kinda made up names for people, but that was about it. So I've been skeeved out ever since I Googled myself and the blizzogg was a top hit. It made me nervous. I felt kinda exposed, a tad bit shy.

Enter Mom.

Erin, I want to talk to you about your blog. I went to a conference and they talked about all the people losing their jobs because of their blogs.

But Mom, what do I have on mine?

Your cussing and drinking!

And scene!

I also got a little panicky and worried that my stalking karma would come back to haunt me. I mean, I do hope to date again, and I assume that others stalk at least 10% as much as I do, which would mean a cursory Google of a potential date (me). So isn't that totally strange if potential date stumbles upon this site and knows how awkward I am before I have a chance to show it myself in real life?

Anywho, I was bummed about the thought of making the site private. It just seemed pretentious and lame, and it takes all the fun out of randomly discovering blogs online. Then I realized people would have to log in, which double bummed me.

So K-daddy & I have been chattin' about the situation. Here are my favorite/key parts:

K-diddy: So why the lockout?

me: cause I'm scared that people at work are going to find it and if you google me it's one of the top results

K-diddy: Why be scared?

me: I don't know... people get fired for having blogs!
mom gave me a lecture on it too

K-diddy: People don't get fired for having blogs. People get fired for posting stupid crap on their blogs.

me: well, but I'm stupid.

K-diddy: "Erin says:. "i really do hate sckol work like wats the pint cant we all just be"
That's from my google search for erin.
I wouldn't worry about it.

WTF would you get in trouble for?

me: I don't know! ASK mom!
she thinks it's going to happen!
b/c I cuss and drink

K-diddy: "Erin went out drinking this weekend - the proof is on her blog. We should fire her ass."
Don't you do both of those things *at work*?!?!?!?

me: umm, yes, yes I do

K-diddy: You godamn right you do!!

me: so you think I'm over reacting to nothing

K-diddy: yes.

me: hmmm or do you just not want to mess w/ logging in....

K-diddy: No - you're just being stupid.

me: I love you

K-diddy: I <4 u. It's like <3, but more

And that folks, is why K-diddy is amazing, and also I think proof that if I do get fired and become homeless that it's K-diddy's fault & that I can move in with him. And how freaking sweet was that last line? I'm going to use it all the time, or at least until I forget it tomorrow.

So I am going to assume this is just me, as usual, with an inflated ego, assuming that people care more than they do. And so I'm going to do nothing.

Eh, at least I got to hear from Chester! What up C Dub!

And on another note..

I just realized that if I change the security that you will have to have a google account to log in. Lame. Freakin' lame.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. Stay tuned.

At least I got some fan mail out of this drama, what up C. Dub!

If you got a problem, yo, I'll solve it!

Today I have:

Changed my boss' cell phone ringer back to a generic ring from the sounds of a gun going off that his son set the phone - not so good considering the boss will be in airports/with clients the next few days.

Fixed the projector for my boss boss. And by fixed I mean I pushed all the buttons on the laptop, then remote and suddenly it just worked.

Logged into the copy machine for our receptionist who couldn't get it to work today.


So basically, what I'm saying is, if you need your VCR programmed tonight, I'm your gal.

Test time

Ok, so I'm changing the security tomorrow. I don't really know how it works .... sooooo.... email me if there are problems! If I don't have your email address, then I can't invite you to view it & you'll be locked out.

erinintherealworld ( at ) gmail (dot) com

Oh, and there's really not any drama - this is a move to attempt to prevent drama from occurring.

Oh my God! There's a horse!

Shell just called me to chat, but got lost in suburbia. I've been trying to steer her back to civilization from 435 & Midland. Where the hell is that? Shawnee? Why do people go there? Why do people live there?

Anyway, it's been quite entertaining listening to her commentary on suburbia -

"Oh, Blackfish Road, not Bluefish!"

"Oh my God! There's a horse!"

"There's all these roundabouts! And cul-de-sacs! What is this place?!"

Anyway, we realized that Shell was actually more scared to be lost in suburbia than the ghetto. And honestly, I feel the same way.

Don't worry, she made it back to the city.

Thanksgiving with the Fam

Ahhh, the holidays, Dad telling stories...
Megan realizing just how similar GDSean really is to Dad.
Spending some quality time with Miss Luci.
Me & my Momma! Ang gives a big thumbs down to no punkin pie. What the heck is that? 25 emails flew back and forth planning for Thanksgiving and somehow punkin pie slipped through the cracks?

But don't worry, Gma got her own pie! I'm just bummed I didn't get a good shot of her when she was guarding the pie from me with her fork. Me & my Daddy.

Mom totally busted me stealing stuffing - I reminded her this is what I do and just because we're not at home doesn't mean that anything changes.
Speaking of traditions... I can't help myself. I was done eating, until GDSean got seconds. His food just looked so much better than anything I had. So I tried to get a little.

GDSean went on the offensive, trying to eat all the stuffing before I could. I pulled out a classic Erin move of pushing his hand away from his mouth.
Which backfired when he choked me. Dang. I did get a wee little taste of stuffing though! Victory!Yeah, that red mark, that would be a battle wound. Gotta love holidays with family.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Changes

I'm probably going to be making some security changes here- I don't want to, but I think I have to. I know it sucks, but I think I'm going to make it so you have to log in.

Ugh.

This is what I get for sharing TMI.

It's that time of the year!

Yup! It's time to look back over the years of Erin making cranberry sauce.

2005
I look... cold and poor.
I was.
I would like to point out that I didn't have a blog in 2005, but I was still taking random pictures of myself.
2006
Excuse, what the hell is the story with this makeup? Ugh.
Also note, bigger pot.

2007
Finally figured out a better angle for the cranberry picture.
It's good to know that not only am I looking better (at least in the cranberry pics) but I'm also getting smarter (except for that whole fire situation).

Just a reminder...

For all those cooks out there on Thanksgiving - sugar likes to burn. A lot.
Like, smoke detector going off flames in my kitchen and all I'm making is cranberry sauce a lot.

Thanks

I have a huge, amazing family.
I have incredible friends.
I have a warm house.
I have food.
I have a job.


Damn.
It feels good to be a gangsta.

Dang it.

So I got in another car accident today.

Blast!

Oh well.

No one was hurt, the cars are drivable, my dad is amazing, so... eh.

You should still feel sorry for me.

OId Maid Erin

I will be single as long as I fumble interactions like this:

Boy: So, do you have like, a card? I could... use it as a bookmark? (for the magazine I just gave him)

Me: Uhh... (thinking, wtf, why are you asking me for a bookmark!?!)
Here you go. (hand him business card from hotel)

Boy: You...work at .... the hotel?

Me: oh.... OHHhhhhh!!! Um, yeah, let me get you one of my cards.


Similar to a few weeks ago in Westport, after leaving the bar the girls I was with asked if I exchanged numbers with one of the guys. Wha... OHHhhhh! Shit! He was flirting with me, wasn't he!??

I'm doomed.

Haiku Tuesday, Conference Style

So I was at a conference for work last week, and needless to say I got a little rambunctious on Friday afternoon.

I started passing notes with the cool kids at the next table. My table was a lame, what can I say?! The cool kids tried to recruit me to their table at break, but I didn't feel like it was fair to for my table to lose the only shred of entertainment they had. Me.

So passing notes may have turned into me drawing a mustache on my finger and making faces at the other table... which inspired this note:
There was also an insane amount of pipe cleaner arts & crafts going on, but the photos are at home.

Anyway, of course I started writing haiku notes - and my cool table friends did not disappoint.
I was inspired by my group's devotion to the case study we were working on:

Argue for your side.
Getting angry at the group
Hey guys, it's not real!

The clock is ticking
Thought we all wanted to go
Dumb comments abound

Fake birds, pipe cleaners
I'll do whatever it takes
To ignore comments

Presenting drags on.
We all have the same ideas,
But mine are better.

And the cool kids say:

You work in P2.
You did a project one time.
Boom! A case study!

A P2 training.
I played with pipe cleaner toys
Certificate time!

And my favorites:

Training is real fun.
Margarita happy hour.
Hotel pay-per-view.

We all talk too much
About absolutely jack.
I love my career.

A reed in the wind.
Succumbs to extreme pressures.
The end of training.

Sell out with me tonight

Kevin Barnes from Of Montreal wrote an article for Stereogum about selling out:

"It isn't possible to be in chorus with capitalism and anarchy. You must pick one or the other. Very few people are willing to do it, though. The worst kind of person is the one who sucks the dick of the man during the daytime and then draws pictures of themselves slitting his throat at night. Jesus Christ, make up your mind!"

I totally agree with him.

Ingrid Michaelson, the singer of "The Way I Am," the song featured in an Old Navy sweater ad, recently wrote about selling out on her Myspace blog:

"my question to you all is, when do you call it "selling out" and when do you call it "succeeding"? i have gotten a few emails and comments saying that now that my songs are on TV and mainstream radio programs, that i have become "a sellout". i suppose i should have stayed in my basement playing concerts for my dolls all my life.... i have seen this before. it makes me a bit upset because it seems that some people love knowing about an indie artist, but as soon as they garner some attention, these people get mad! but you have to understand that this is how we make a living!"

I hate people who love a band until they are popular, then suddenly are too cool for school. Get over yourself. You didn't discover them. It doesn't make you special. In fact, I think you are the sellout.

Barnes article link from PopCandy.

Holy Bachelor Batman!

How freaking happy am I that I stayed up late to watch the Bachelor finale?
Oh

My

God!

It was AH-MAZING!!!!

In case you don't watch/don't care, he didn't pick either girl! Ouch man! Even after buying an engagement ring. It was crazy too, you actually got to watch him physically break down - it was like a split second before he was going to propose he decided not too. Nuts-o.

I have to admit, I know he's going to get a ton of heat for this, but I respect it. He knew he wasn't in love, so he didn't lie to the women or himself. That takes a whole ton of guts to do. It's much easier, considering the circumstances, to just go with the moment and propose to someone that you know you don't really love, then deal with it later. That's pretty much have every other Bachelor season has gone.

Wow...

I don't get people who don't love crappy reality tv.

Sedona

Sedona. So pretty.

Note to tourists: if you plan on visiting a church, wear something that doesn't show cheeks when you walk. This picture doesn't do the skankiness justice.
Kinda bitchy rocks, eh? (sorry, spent last week with Canadians)
Jeesh, the flowers too? Uh, yeah, we're not for you, keep moving. For God's eyes only.
Umm, not going to lie, this was my (strange/bad) idea.
Any excuse to yell SACAJAWEA!! One of my favorite words. Shopping in Sedona was.... well, yeah. You can see.
shoooz > shooz > shoes
Getting ready for a night out. It's excusable to do this, we're girls.
Erin looked Tyra-fierce.

The best kind of sushi meal is the kind where you don't have to order or pay! yesssss...

After dinner with our friends we went to Heavy Metal Sunday, featuring Metalhead. They were an 80's cover band, very funny and really good too. You know I love a man that sings Journey!

My favorite moment however, came when I walked up to Bob, one of our friends, as he was talking to a woman. She immediately said, oh, is this your daughter? Before Bob could say anything I said, yeah, this is my dad! She asked if I was a student, so I told her I was and that he was in town visiting me for the weekend, and would she mind taking our picture? As soon as I handed her the camera I told Bob to act like he was kissing me (someone asked me how you act like you're kissing - well, you hold your lips together, but there's no movement). It was freaking hilarious. The first photo didn't turn out because we started laughing so hard. The second one was so good that I'm not going to post it. Seriously, it looks like we were going to town and I already get enough crap on here from people who don't get my sense of humor/strangeness/believe that it really was just a joke.

Anyway, all of the guys were dying laughing while watching and listening to this go down, but the lady taking the picture was totally bizarre. She started yelling at me to take a third picture. I was like, no, no, it's fine! But she insisted and actually yelled at me to face her this time because she couldn't see my face. I still have no clue if she was freaked out or knew I was messing with her. Either way, another example of an Erin joke that took a turn to Awkward Town. As you can see, I was getting a little nervous about the crazy lady.

All Good Questions

Pat & Ang live next door to some nuns. A while back, Gracie asked Ang if they had kids, so Ang explained that the sisters were married to God.

Saturday the kids were outside talking to the nuns. Gracie asked some hard questions.

She wanted to know about their wedding to God.
She also asked if they kiss God every day.

Alas, no answers, Jack ran up and interrupted the conversation.

Dang! I was really hoping to get to the bottom of that situation.

What other questions might Gracie have asked?

Jesus is like a donut

Caroline's school concert was tonight, and I think the Jesus/Donut song was the highlight for me.

The song goes, "Life without Jesus is like a donut, with a hole in the middle of your heart." I don't really approve - I really like donuts, they are sweet and tasty. So life without Jesus is sweet?

I think I like Caroline's version more, "Jesus is like a donut, with a hole in the middle of your heart."

And yes, that's me cackling at about :14 and 1:00. I really lost it when the little girl's headdress in the front row was covering her face completely and she made no attempt to move it.

While I'm on the subject...

This is the best break up song, ever.

Requiem for O.M.M.2 by Of Montreal

when i met you i was just a kid
hadn't built up my defenses
so i gave my heart completely
vaseline over the lenses

memories don't go away
i remember every day

i never ever stop wondering
wondering if you still think of us
i don't need a photograph
'cause you've never left my mind
no you've never left my mind

i remember feeling like a ship
whose captain was too drunk to steer
and you watched as i was sinking
waving sadly from the pier

memories don't go away
i remember every day
i never ever stop wondering
wondering if you still think of us
i don't need a photograph
'cause you've never left my mind
no you've never left my mind

it's such a burden to carry around
the vestiges of dead dreams
and i don't want to make a wake out of my life
i just have to let you go

Physics makes us all its bitches

I went to see Of Montreal last night at Liberty Hall in Lawrence. As usual, they killed. I love watching them live. Not only do their incredible songs beg for you to sing along and dance like an idiot, but they also put on a very bizarrely entertaining show. What do I mean by bizarrely entertaining? How about a guy carrying around a painting of a tiger, then another guy wearing a polyester suit with ruffled shirt and tiger head jumping out and dancing around? I think that qualifies for bizarre, and obviously entertaining.

I took some really crappy pictures (see above) and embarrassing video of Shell and I singing (chemicals! Chem-i-cul-u-u-u-u-uls). But I'll spare you that crap and instead show you the awesome pics that someone else took! And if you still have any doubts about the fun level of an Of Montreal show, well, one, you suck, and two check out this flickr stream.

This is Dottie, a friend of PT's from high school and the keyboard player for OM.
That's right, we were on the list.
We were with the band.
No big deal.
Kevin Barnes.
I described him as a strange little sexy man to PT & Shell. They giggled, but I'm quite sure they agreed. OM did a few Prince covers that were really spot on. I think that's what led me to my Kevin analysis. Prince is a strange little sexy man too.

Leave the eye makeup on Kevin... I kinda like it...
They had a great stage set up - multiple levels that they all wandered around on, awesome graphics and drawings on screen and crazy costumes. Love. It.(above photos: industry slut)

Shell & I, so happy to hear our all of our favorite songs.

How can you not love a band with such lyrics as:

Physics makes us all its bitches

There's the girl that left me bitter/Want to pay some other girl/To just walk up to her and hit her

To me you're just some faggy girl/And I need a lover with soul power/And you ain't got no soul power

We'll make love like a pair of black wizards/You free me from the past/You fucked the suburbs out of me/Oh well, those ugly days that made us so sick/They are just fossils now/We've learned the elevating trick

Oh forget it, just listen!

Let this be your warning

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Thanks emaw. Thanks a lot.

Friends are forever

We made some pretty fabulous friends in Phoenix. Namely the group of 40-50 golfers who's average age was 50. Here's Erin & I with the aptly named Romeo.

We bonded over a mutual love for Journey, so I made him slow dance. Duh.

Strange, strange, strange night. But so fun.
And the Award for Best Photo of the Night goes to.....

Erin & the guys! I can't look at this picture without laughing... oh man...

Champagne for my Campaign

So Tab bought a bottle of champagne and we didn't drink it and it's my last night in Phoenix and I'm not wasteful and I'm alone so....

Cheers!

I'm ready

I heard about it for the first time this morning, and it's pretty much all I've been thinking about all day. I know what I'm doing over Thanksgiving break...

Arizona!

So Arizona got off to a rocky start, with failed attempts at humor and delayed flights. It didn't get any better for me when Erin woke me up by whispering, "Erinnnn, get up! It's time to get up! Come onnnnnnnn!" to which I replied, "shhhhhhh, shhhhh." She had none of that, telling me that she'd already been up for over an hour and it was time for me to get up. Time to get up. Yeah, 7:45. Thanks Erin. Anyway, this is what you look like in the a.m. if you share a bed with Erin.

After really waking up, we hit the road for Sedona. No one was happy that I was driving.

I anticipated a mid- mountain crash. Thankfully, it didn't happen.

Half-way to Sedona I realized I really needed my hair brushed! Totally OCD, but Tab helped me out. That's what friends are for.

Umm, at a pit stop I thought this was a good photo op. yeah... I dunno.

We made the awesome last minute decision to stop at Montezuma's Castle. None of us had heard of it, we just saw some signs and decided to take the exit. Imagine how surprised we were to find this:

Tab, trying to figure out how the hell they did that...

We may have the Plague!!

Sedona photos and stories to come...