Favorite things

Oprah just did one of her (in)famous "Favorite Things" shows. This one was different though.

It sucked.

Let me give you a little background info here. Oprah has been doing shows for years based on her favorite things. There are generally one or two a year, winter and spring - and this year a summer one. The show usually has some cool gadgets that are brand-spanking new and some outrageously expensive crap. The audience gets everything that she talks about - so of course it's the most annoying show of the year. Approximately every 15 seconds the audiences explodes into high-pitched screams that, to me, sound pathetic. You just know people don't know what the hell that gadget even does, don't like chocolate and just got a year supply, or already have what they are getting - and they don't care - they're going to scream just as loud regardless. Oprah totally eggs it on by announcing the items like this, "it's a NEW IPOD NANNNN-OOOOOOOOOOOOO!! WOOOOOO!!!"

So really, a totally annoying show that is pretty much impossible to watch.

Yet, I love watching it. There's always a few things that you didn't know you wanted showcased.

Until this episode.

Oprah opened the show by announcing that usually her producers select the items for the favorite things episodes, but this time she picked them all out.

Guess what we learned folks?
1) Oprah is lame without her producers
2) Oprah didn't have time/gave up on finding things, so instead of the normal plethora of items, more than 4 songs were performed live by Robin Thicke & India Arie to fill air time.

WTF?? That's more songs than MTV has played all month!

And did we really need to hear any other song than"Lost without You" from Robin? No! That song is awesome IMHO, but do I want to hear him awkwardly strain his voice through any other high pitched songs? No! Mariah Carey called, she wants her octaves back!

India Arie was good, but a totally random time-filler/plug for Oprah (her school in Africa).

And Oaps (my personal nickname for Ms. Winfrey, like oats w/ a p) copped out by picking, duh, O Magazine as one of her favorite things. Yeah, pretty sure we already knew that when it was your favorite thing in every other episode. Why not pick a book to go in the beach bag??

My last complaint was that everything in the show was affordable. Now, when I first heard that, I was pretty pumped because as I said, things in the past could be really expensive. But the affordable things that Oprah "found" were lame. "BEEEEAAACH TOWELLLLLLSSS!!! FROM TARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGET!"

Uh, that's fucking stupid. I already know they have cheap beach towels! Damn it Oaps! Show me something good!

How awkward are you??

For some reason men in my sister's office have been totally awkward about her having a baby/kids. WTF is the deal guys? Are you that lame or do you really think you're cute or what?
Here's the evidence:

From: Shell Tue 5/29/2007 6:43 PM
To: People she works with, awkward men
Subject: Last Day: June 7; Baby: June 8

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to let you know my last day in the office is scheduled to be next Thursday, June 7. The next day, Friday June 8, I'm scheduled to have the baby in the morning!
Of course, this is all assuming that nothing happens on it's own. ;D
I have time available if you need help or would like to review any projects.

-Shell

And the reply -
From: Awkward Male 1 Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2007 7:58 PM
To: Shell; everyone else so they know I'm awkward
Subject: RE: Last Day: June 7; Baby: June 8

Good luck and thank you for managing this baby thing so smoothly....best wishes, A.M1.

This baby thing? That... that just has a lot of strange connotations to it. Hey Shell, glad this baby thing didn't cramp my style at work!

Anyway, it gets worse.
The other day Maureen had a little cooking accident - she put her hand down on a burner that was still hot - I think the technical term is that she burnt the shit out of her wee little hand. She's ok.

But before Shell knew any of that, this happened -

From: Shell Sent: Thursday, May 24, 2007 3:11 PM
To: People she works with, Awkward Man 2
Subject: I'm heading home...

I have to leave right now. Maureen burnt her hand and has to go to thedoc asap and I have the car seats. It sounds like she has a seconddegree burn but the doc wants to see her right away. My doc appt is at3:45 pm so I'll be out the rest of the day.

- Pretty intense, right? Well, here's what A.M2 had to say:

From: Awkward Man 2
To: Shell and everyone else so they all know I'm awkward
Sent: Thu May 24 14:11:50 2007
Subject: RE: I'm heading home...

Man, I wish I had kids...


-Seriously!?!? What a dumb ass. Just reading it again pisses me off. It went on one more e-mail w/ Shell calling him out & him making some lame ass excuse about how he didn't mean anything by it.

sniff... snifff

I'm sitting here at my desk & I start smelling something.... off.



And I realize it's coming from me.



Specifically my necklace.

That sucks.

Hot Pirates

This weekend Ry & I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean - it was good, but damned confusing! If I couldn't understand what someone was saying (which was a good quarter of the time), then I was too busy trying to figure out one of the many subplots/legends. It was a little overwhelming, but totally worth it to see Orlando's transformation. Basically at the end of the movie he's suddenly wearing all black, has his hair down & wavy and is wearing black eyeliner.

Swoon.

I'd put some picture in here of him, but honestly, he's not that hot - until you put the eyeliner on him. I feel the same way about Johnny Depp. I never really thought he was that hot until he put on extensions and eyeliner. And oh my god is he hot as a pirate!

I'm just glad that finally Orlando has come into his own as a pirate. Finally.

So anyway, other than watching hot pirates - the best part of the movie was seeing the trailer for Transformers.

Yup, I said it.

I wasn't that excited about Transformers before, but after the trailer I just looked over at Ry in awe and stammered out something about how awesome it looked. I don't think he's ever been so happy to hear me say, well, anything. I can't wait! It's seriously going to kick ass. Get ready!

Brigade

The Ry Guy and I hit up the Brigade this weekend. Our (company) seats were freaking sweet. I don't think I'd want to go again unless we had seats that close. We were in the second row on the 20 yard line. I took this (lame) picture without any zoom to try to show how in the action we were. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get any pics when they slammed players up against the side wall right in front of us. It was awesome. I kinda hoped they'd fly over the edge & land on the dorks in front of us.

I had fun watching the marque at the game too - it kept saying random stuff, like telling someone to call their parole officer and then this one - the complete message was telling Cathy to call her psychiatrist. Good stuff.

Helllllo Katherine!

They totally did it! K-Daddy & Em had their baby! A ridiculously good looking baby girl. Katherine Dorann (spelling Kev??) 8 pounds, 1 ounce. She was born on Sunday, May 27th around 5:30 pm.

She's a total cutie pie and was really alert today, looking around and crying when I held her! She loved her uncle Pat though - it looks like she's talking to him.

It's a fabulous thing.

Killed it

I spent the afternoon today shopping at the River Market Antique Mall.
Oh. My.

It's so freakin' huge - three main floors plus a basement. Yikes! It's so huge, and actually had really sweet stuff. I loved it. I bought a ton of stuff including a painting of a matador and some cool tin trays and a gold purse. I'll take some pics - probably once I get it all huge up.

I killed it today.

Gummmmy!

I walked by a toothless woman today who was wearing a shirt that read, "Bite Me."

I know I'm intimidating... but...

My boss at work is pretty fabulous - he's currently working his hind off to create a new position for me to keep me here/happy/growing professionally. It's awesome and I can't wait for it to really take off. But... I've been surprised at some resistance lately. It seems like people think, well, I don't really know! I have a few guesses about what they think:

1) I'm infringing on their turf.
2) I don't know what I'm doing.
3) They are just fine and don't need help thankyouverymuch.
4) They (women) are intimidated by another woman (me) coming into the picture.

I really think this is a combo of 2 & 4.

You see, there isn't much respect for my position. It's mostly young, pretty (if I do say so myself!) women that don't stay for longer than 2 years due to many reasons - mostly lack of professional development/career path (there is no way to move up).

Also, due to the fact I'm fun and not billable, I end up doing things like helping plan parties/happy hours for my division. I've worked hard to separate myself from this role, especially in the last 6 months, but I don't think some people will shake it.

That partly explains why they don't think I know what I'm doing, and partly explains why they might feel threatened by me as a woman.

It's so strange to work in a male-dominated company. You can really see when women, especially older women, ruffle their feathers against you. It seems every time I get recognition a certain woman I work with becomes especially nasty to me - to the point that my boss even said she has a problem with young women.

So what's the deal? Why is it that women, especially these older women who really experienced some heinous stuff, who have worked so hard to gain respect in the workforce, to combat stereotypes and fight for better pay and better jobs, why is it that the same women are intimidated by another successful woman? Why do I feel like they are against me and my success? This is super cheesy, but why can't women cheer on the triumphs of other women? How was this nasty competitive spirit installed in us?

I can honestly say that I have caught myself feeling some anxiety when I felt like my space was being encroached upon by another woman. I think I did a good job at a quick reality/ego check, but why did I even feel it in the first place?

Is the working woman's worst enemy other working women? Or is that just the case in a company like mine that is 3/4 male?

Listen up!

Love him or hate him, Perez Hilton has really turned me onto some of my favorite music (Lily Allen, Mika, Lady Sovereign, umm, more I'm sure) in the past 6 months. Kate Nash is another example. I think she's really good work, cooking and drinking outside on a chill summer day music.

Reasons I'm a bad driver

1. A lack of depth perception. I've known this since I started playing high school sports. It was kinda obvious.
2. What's a blind spot?
3. Where's that cd at.....hmmm....
4. I think I can reach those shoes in the back seat. If ... I ... just... stretch... more....
5. Checking only hair/makeup in my mirrors.
6. 4-inch heels.
7. Driving is borrrrrinnnnng!
8. Hmmm, speaking of, I don't really remember the last 4 blocks.
9. Singing.
10. Dancing.
    
11. Red lights are suggestions.
12. Yellow lights are to be ignored.
13. Text messaging.
14. Changing out of 4-inch heels while driving.
15. Everyone else on the road.
16. I like using my horn, but not without reason

I'd like to blame the majority of this on my family - to my sister who taught me the importance of driving with your knees to apply make-up, nail polish, etc and my father who has been known to read the paper while driving. Yup, opening it up all the way over the wheel and reading.

Dang it Oprah!

How much do I hate saying that I like something because of Oprah? Ugh. It's just too stay-at-home-mom for me to handle. But I can't deny it.

Ok, so I hated Michael Buble for a few reasons:
1) It seemed that most people that liked him were lame (old)
2) His name. It sounds kinda like Boo-bay which to me sounds like boo-bie
3) I didn't have a reason to like him.

Then I saw him on Oprah. Dang it! I hadn't ever seen him or (as far as I know) heard him sing before. Now I kinda love him a little bit. Just a bit.

When I watch him sing I want to:
1) Give him an outrageously cheesy wink - the music really demands it
2) Make out with him
3) Wink at him after making out with him

But then I looked at "The Daily Buble" LA-ME!

Let's just hope for the sake of his hotness that he has nothing to do with the blog. Anything that uses prestigious to describe the VH1 Top 20 Countdown is just wrong. I don't think any countdown that plays songs for 6 months at a time can be referred to as prestigious.

Who am I kidding? I'd totally forget that Vh1 shit as soon as he started singing/winking at me. I'd be too busy winking back.

Happiness

Coming in for a water break - Caroline has been working hard!Her signature thumbs up. I told her I'd take a picture with her & the ball - she posed herself. I love it.

I love how Shell looks so chic with Mush - who looks like a little model. Classic.

Wichita madness

We totally brought SexyBack to Wichita. The wedding this past weekend was so gorgeous. Too bad I only too pictures of Melinda, Andy, the Ry Guy & I acting like idiots. Oh well! At least it's an accurate portrait of us! I'll even included this one that showcases my double chin. Ew.

Ry & I were lucky enough to have time to go to a batting cage so I could kick his ass in slow pitch softball. Check out these action shots (and ignore form)!

Too bad I got passed by everyone in the go-karts (that we barely fit in) - even though I was the second one out! Dang!

Oh, Monday!

A little bitch-slappin' fun for Monday!

Best Quote

From last night:
Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Shrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.



Thanks to Dunderball - I'm sure I'll be using that ratio a lot tonight. If only I was still in school and had a math final! I could totally use that to solve some equation!

Best. Voicemail. Ever.

"Um, yes I'm calling in response to the ad in the paper about the milkshakes? Umm, apparently , uh, yours brings the boys to the yard and they're like it's better than yours. And sometimes, I think the ad said something about you teaching, but you have to charge? So I was just calling about that, seeing how much you charge, uh, to learn how to milkshake. So, if you could give me a call back, uh, my name is Jamie and I'm here in Wichita and I don't know if there is a travel cost.. so, um, if you could give me a call back that would be great just at your earliest convenience. My number is.... And again this is Jamie calling in regards to the milkshake bringing the boys to the yard. Thank you. Have a great day!"


Reason #598 I love my friend Jamie and another reason to totally look forward to this weekend in Wich-e-tah.

Yup, I'm the weirdo in the elevator!

I just got totally busted in the elevator at work being a dork. The elevator doors are mirrored and I decided, for some reason, to stand about 6 inches from the door making faces at myself in the mirror.

I was busy crossing my eyes and puffing up my cheeks when suddenly the door opened and two people were standing there.

Whoops.

I really didn't expect it to open between the third and first floors!

Dang..

Have I told you?

How excited I am for this weekend???

Tomorrow I'm going halvies at work - 'cause that's how I roll - then we're (Ry Guy & I, plus another friend) going to Wichita for a wedding.

Normally that might not be that cool, but this wedding should be a blast. The groom went to grade school/KSU with the Ry Guy, I know the bride from KSU - and we have random friends (Andy & Melinda) that know them too. Good times.

And how can I fail to mention the trolley that will be running all night from the reception to the hotel?? Let's just hope I don't decide to ride outside the trolley car, holding on to the rail and jumping on and off a la Meet Me in St. Louis (I love that movie!) on the ride back (wa-sted) to the hotel. And hopefully I will be singing, "clang clang clang goes the trrolllley" all the way back to the hotel!

Spring is in the air! And so are dead birds!

I know it's spring time at work when I get the e-mail with the list of people to contact if I see a recently (yup, recent ones wanted only) dead bird outside our glass walkway. I thought people were joking when I first started and they told me that a guy in my group collects the birds that die after flying into our glass walkway. Then came the day I told him about a dead bird outside and he actually took off running for it.

After he picks them up he baggies them & sticks them in the freezer. At work. Until he has enough to drop off at KU somewhere.

Yup.

Anywho, this year he's serious about it - we have a list of other people to call to pick up the birds if he's gone. It's like the dead wagon on a small scale. The dead baggie?

(the dead wagon would come to the farm to pick up dead farm animals)


P.S. At lunch I discovered you can see my (teal) underwear through my skirt. Yessssss!!!

Good news is...

There's hope to make this blog into a book!

Bad news is.... I have to go to Iraq and be a gunner for it to actually be interesting enough for anyone to read.

Thanks Erin for keeping my hopes up!

I'm what??

Some guy at work just told me I was a pack horse.

Wha?

It's prom time!

I've always wanted a Barbie cake - not just any Barbie cake, but the kind that actually has a Barbie in it. But, after seeing this cake, I'm not so sure any more...

I can't say it any better

So I'll just link to it!

Why did I think it was a good idea?

To do the Crawl for Cancer?!?! Ok, so it was totally fun, but omg, it wasn't just 2 pitcher per person, it was Erin drinking pitchers so she didn't have to hold them because we didn't have tables. It was ridonkulous!
But wait!
Let me start with the Killers concert - because it totally ruled! Hot Hot Heat opened and I kinda love them a bit more than the Killers. They both rocked. Before the concert Ry & I hit up the most ghetto liquor store downtown, Grand Slam Liquor, where we bought (DUH!) 40's and got them in paper sacks. I also found the hottest pickles in KC, in case you are into that kind of thing.

Saturday we did the Crawl for Cancer - 20 pitchers - 10 people - 5 bars - 1 fabulous day. Or, 20 pitchers - Erin drinking 5 - 1 horrendous ending to a day at approximately 5 p.m.

Our team, the Angry Pirates, was totally the cutest there. I loved it. We started at the Beaumont where our official team picture was taken, minus me. Here's an unofficial one - Thanks team. Then headed to Karma where we (for some awful reason) did Macho Mugs. I'm going to blame this allllll on Andy. I did get a kick-ass pose out of Ry though. Captain Ry Guy. I'm pretty startled that I'm still drinking. After Karma we went to the tent. That was probably the real downfall of Erin. Or at least pushed me over the edge. I followed Ry & Andy's lead by doing a beer bong with a guy on stilts.
After the tent we headed to the Beachclub which was pretty awesome since we finally had a table! Unfortunately we had a man overboard!! I love how Ry seriously looks like he passed out, not like he was leaning on one leg of a chair. I'd tell you about the rest of the day, but.... yeah. I do know that Ry & I had some street meat AND Taco Bell - sick! Perhaps that's going to even us out on our challenge. We actually discussed adjusting our start weight after this weekend. Yikes.

I ended up asleep by ... oh, 6 p.m.? Which totally sucks because then I woke up at 5:30 and had to force myself to sleep in until 7:30.

So crawl for cancer... a kinda good time, a kinda disgusting time.

But I thought Hillbillies had long whiskers?

Speaking about flooding off the Missouri River -

The water got within "a hillbilly's whisker from going over in several places," Holt County Sheriff Kirby Felumb said Thursday.

-Cnn.com

Randomness

I don't know why, but occasionally blogger will post a blog twice. Sorry about that, I know it's annoying. I've deleted the duplicates.

I've been making rice krispie treats with a coworker to sell at work for the American Heart Association Heart Walk - and someone who walked by (didn't see my sign) asked me if I was just trying to make money. Uhh, no, don't think HR would be too keen on that... and I'm not that tacky!

I'm stressing out about the weekend - I have so much fun packed into one weekend it's overwhelming me!

Friday I'm taking a half day and going to the spizzzaahhhh! (that's right, I still like to add a izzzayyy to things). I got a gift certificate from my boss for kicking so much ass. I think that's what the memo said.

Anywho, then I'm (FINALLY) waxing the legs. This growing the hair out thing is really starting to get to me. And I'm sure Ry as I keep trying to get him to touch my legs. I think he almost started crying last night. I don't blame him.

After the waxing Ry & I are going to the Killers concert. It's pretty much going to suck (10,000 people at River Market!??!) and rule (Killers, Hot Hot Heat) all at the same time.

Saturday is the Crawl for Cancer and our team of the Angry Pirates is dwindling! For some reason 3 fools have paid and aren't showing up. We're going to look like the rich losers. Rich because we could still afford the team entry, losers because we didn't have enough friends. Oh well, we're pirates, and angry ones at that, so we still kick ass.

Oh, Ry & I saw SpiderMan last night. And just to piss him off I'm going to tell you that it sucked. It kinda did. The Ry Guy actually got mad at me when I started mocking the movie and gyrating at Peter's BFF and sharply whispered, "Just leave!!" I calmed down for a while, but couldn't suppress commenting when Spidey totally jumped the shark (dance scene in jazz club anyone??).

Proof my family kicks ass

From: Erin
To: Siblings
Re: Mothers day?

Are we doing anything? I think it would be fun to celebrate all the new (again) mommas!

From: Pat
To: Siblings

I think we should celebrate with the pregnant women competing in Feats of Strength while the rest of us drink excessively.

From: A brother from another mother
To: Siblings

Good idea. To practice, I have been drinking and watching TV while Shell carries laundry up and down the stairs.

From: Seany
To: Siblings

Yeah I've been practicing too. Can we gamble on this? Please?

Frau Stripes... Frau Dots!

You know you love it. Just as much as K-diddy, who keeps sending it to me.

So I was wrong

I'm getting my legs waxed Friday, so I'm busy growing my hair out this week. And still wearing skirts to work. I thought today they didn't look that bad... and then I went outside and the sun reminded me that I have black hair. Whoops!

Guaranteed

I guaranteed myself an excellent morning today by staying in my car after I parked at work to finish singing "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid.

And it was fabulous.

Cinco de Drinko!!!

I went back to Manhattan this weekend for Erika's baby shower & some Cinco de Mayo fun.
Erika's shower was great - she got some good stuff for the baby and I creeped everyone out with plastic babies that didn't look like babies. They looked like old men. Or something equally ew. So I put them in the salsa, hummus, etc. I didn't get a picture of those babies, but I did get one of the babies I put on the cake. I kinda love it.After the shower we went to a banquet for a KSU group that Erin advises. It was a fun excuse to wear my green dress!Then, of course, there was the pub crawl for the group. We ran back to Erin's house in Wamego for a quick change of dress and got caught in the damn tornado!! This is my angry bullfighter in the face of a tornado look.And this would be my sleepy in the basement look.
Tab was sad about the tornado/basement too. And I caught Erin awkwardly in her tornado sadness. Finally the sirens went off & we heading into Manhattan for the pub crawl! It was Mexilicious. Hola Ben!

Another Spiderman promo?

Or just the most disgusting thing ever?
Either way, if a doctor found two spiders living in my ear, I wouldn't be carrying the things around showing them off. Sick.

Trouble.

I'm really pumped for this weekend - Cinco de Mayo tonight, going to Manhattan Saturday for a baby shower and pub crawl! (No, sadly, they aren't related events.) It should be a fabulous time with some of my favorite people (Erin, Tab).

I do have a tad bit of trepidation though.

Let me take you back to May 6, 2005. I was living with three girls, it was the week before finals and graduation, and the perfect night to go out. We (Erin, her man Nick, other friends) started the night at Nick's house. Across the street there was a bachelor party going on. The front yard was filled with house lamps, tables covered with food, coolers, and lawn games. Suddenly all of the guys went inside & started hooting & hollering (we found out later they had a stripper scheduled on the wrong night, so one of the biggest guys was doing his own "routine").

I, of course, decided that I needed to go over there & check out what was going on. Honestly though, my stomach was starting to hurt from drinking beer and I knew I needed some food to settle it. So, with Nick's party watching from across the street, I started perusing their food, opening a bag of Oreos and helping myself.

When a guy came out the front door I darted to the side of the porch. He couldn't see me, I couldn't see him, but my friends across the street could hardly contain themselves as they watched both of us.

Eventually he went back inside, I had my fill of Doritos & Oreos, and I went back to my side of the street. After a few minutes the guys came back outside we decided to walk to Aggieville. At that point one guy asked us what our plans were, and why we were going to the bars instead of hanging out there. I told him that perhaps, if they maybe had... oh, I don't know, some Oreos? Then maybe we could be convinced to stay.

He ran to the food table, grabbed the bag of Oreos that I had just opened, and held them over his head - just like Lloyd in Say Anything. It was classic.

My friends wet themselves laughing, I gracefully declined (more) cookies, and he was confused.

That was an indication that this was going to be a great night.

The rest of the night included ridiculous booty-shaking dancing, a trip around the pole at Joe's, losing Nick and the rest of the people we (Erin & I) were with, and found my good friend Mark. The bars closed down at 2 and we heading to Gumby's for some Pokey stix with Mark. As we walked home around 3 with Mark and the Stix I decided that I was going to start streaking. I took off my tank top and started yelling. At that precise time a car slammed on their brakes and squealed tires as they reversed back to where we are.

And I freaked out that someone actually saw me, threw my shirt over my chest and ran the rest of the (half block) home with Erin and Mark laughing at me.

That was when I got the great idea though - we were going to go streaking through the quad! I informed Erin & Mark of my brilliant idea and Erin was less than enthused. I really still have no clue how I did it, but I convinced her it was a good idea. I think she never planned on actually following through with it, she was probably just going along with it. Anywho, we got ready - but unfortunately as we were still quite wasted, not as ready as we should have. Erin & I took off our bras, Erin emptied most of her purse - but still being the responsible person she is, brought it for her cell phone and keys to the house - I tried to convince Erin we needed to bring a camera but she refused. We were wearing skirts and flip flops, so we figured... uhh, ready to go!

The walk to the quad wasn't too long, along the way we called Nick and tried to get him to meet us to go streaking. By now it was around 3ish.

The closer we got to the library - which signaled the opening of the quad - the more people we saw. It was so random! 3:30 or so on Friday and the people walking by us were sober and had clearly been studying. Who are they??

Erin & Mark weren't too enthused at the number of people we saw, but there was no way I wasn't going through with it. Right before we passed a couple I ripped off my tank for the second time that night & started screaming, "WE'RE GOING STREAKING THROUGH THE QUADDDDDDDDD!!!!!" A couple of strides into it I turned back and saw Erin and Mark.

Walking.

In their clothes.

Dang!

I started yelling at them, ripped my (stretchy) skirt off over the top of my head, turned round & was relived to see two bare chests running behind me.

This is where some planning would have been handy. The sidewalk opens up and splits into about 4 different directions. I ended up running straight down the middle of the quad. Erin was to my right at an angle and Mark was to the left at an angle. I have no clue when we were stopping, where we were going... yeah... not that it mattered though because next thing I know I saw a man coming at me yelling, "STOP!!! This is the POLICE!!! STOP!!!" I immediately threw my shirt back on and took a sharp right towards Erin, who already had her shirt back on as well. We were still running and yelling what to do at each other. I slowed down majorly as I hopped back into my skirt (should have pulled it back over the head! Fatal error!). The cop was gaining on us, still yelling to stop and that he was going to arrest us if we didn't stop. We finally started speed walking, then eventually stopped.

We were so screwed.

Mark was no where to be seen, I was starting to laugh, and Erin was pissed as hell.

The cop kept asking us who we were, we thought staring at each other and no answering was a fine solution until he said, "If you don't give me your names right now I'll take you down to the station" - before he even finished that mouthful Erin had already said, "Erin Catherine L. That's E-R-I-N..."

Damn!

I gave him my name as well and he informed us he had to call them in to check to see if we had any warrants out for our arrest. As he did this the hilarity of the situation hit me and I started giggling like someone who just got caught with their pants off. Erin did not appreciate my behavior and actually said, "ERIN! Stop! We need to act like we're good girls!"

You know that only made me laugh harder.

The cop tried to be hard on us - he actually said something about getting a ticket as a sexual predator for flashing - that was the only moment I was actually worried for a second. (the reason he was out at the time was because of a flasher that had been on campus that week)

I gave him a "Are you fucking serious?" look as I said, "uhh, we graduate next week, it's 4 a.m. on Friday before finals, we're girls, we don't do this, come on!" That cracked him (he almost laughed) and he let us go after we promised to go straight home (clothing on!). Oh, he also tried to get Mark's name & address out of us, but we told him we didn't know Mark, had just met him that night & convinced him to go with us - yeah right, every guys wishes! lol.

I guess the best part really came when I went to work on Monday and realized that because I worked on campus, in residence life (dorms) that they got the police blotter each day. Then I found out that the director of the department had already checked my full name against my graduation announcement that was posted and everyone I worked with already knew about my adventure. Classy!

After a scolding from my boss' boss about proper technique and planning - tennis shoes, a planned route, meeting location, get away car, etc. I reminded him that 1) I was a college student, 2) it was 4 a.m. on a Friday 3) did he really think we were in a mind frame that allowed for proper planning??

I still have the police blotter - I'll have to scan it in & post it next week. It was an eventful night for the police that included not only us "running naked through the quad" - which sounds dirty compared to "streaking through the quad" - but also some people running around in the goat pen!

Apparently we weren't the only ones who had a crazy night...

Erin's version of the story includes some reference to how white my little cheeks were. I'm sure she'll elaborate for you if you're lucky.

Probably not what I would have done

Another title for this post: Bitch is crazy. or Snakes out a car window.

What would you do if you were bit by a venomous snake? Run away? Puh-leaze, that shits weak. You gotta do like Connie Owsley - "Rather than run away, Owsley went after the snake, grabbed its tail, put it on the ground and put her shoe down to control it. She carried the snake to her car, where she held it out the window and drove to the park ranger's office."

Check it out for yourself.

Sick!

The sudden and ridiculously strong odor of mayonnaise from a cube next to me is making me want to vomit.

sick.

It's all fun & games until you kill your Mom

So I called Mom during lunch today to make sure she had her tennies at work (you haven't heard?) when I found out she had chest pains Monday night. Monday night... what was I doing Monday night... hmmm...

I'm totally going to hell.

:(

(p.s. - she claims she's fine, went to the hospital & they found nothing, going for a follow up soon)

Exactly my point!

So Monday night I decided to call Momma back from a day or two before and also to give her hell about not calling me Sunday to make sure I wasn't shot.

So Mom answers and our call goes a little like this:
Mom: Hello (happy)
Erin: Mom.... (weakest voice possible) it's....me....
M: Erin? (sounding a little concerned/confused)
E: Mom... (super weak still) they're letting me out of the hospital today (and I quickly say the next part to keep actual concern down to a minimum) for my gun shot wound from Ward Parkway mall.
M: WHAT? (really nervous, scared)
E: They said I'll be ok, that there's no permanent damage from when I got shot... at the Ward Parkway Mall... (weak voice slips for a moment as I giggle out the next part) you know, when you didn't call me?
M: What?!?! (still nervous, extremely confused)
E: You know, when I got shot yesterday and you didn't call me. At the mall. And you called my sister. But you didn't call me.
M: (figuring it all out, realizing her daughter is a brat) ERin!

At this point I openly start laughing and ditch the weak voice.

You must realize that Mom just proved my point! If I can call you more than 24 hours later & tell you I got shot and you fall for it, maybe you should have called me! Of course I launched into how Shell has a family to find out about her getting shot and I'm the one that lives alone, blar blar blar bring it back to Erin blar blar blar...

In hindsight I can't help but wonder if calls like that are exactly the reason why I didn't get a call! Hmmm....

Love you Mom!

Seriously, what the hell is the point??

I about shat myself Monday night at Hen House when I saw a big display for a new doughnut from Krispy Kreme. Whole wheat doughnut. Because that's really going to make a difference.

I'm what?

I just got off the phone with a friend who just found out she's short.

She's 25 and never really knew until lately she was short. All her life she thought she was 5' 5 1/2, a respectable enough height for a woman. Then she went to the doctor, took off her shoes, and stepped up to get measured.

5'4.

It even sounds tiny.

She explained to me that she realized she probably hadn't been measured without shoes on since she was a little kid. She also added a bit of height (that 1/2) to help her feel better about any occasional extra pounds she carried.

It's quite the shocking realization a quarter of the way through your life! It makes you wonder what else we are able to convince ourselves.

I actually had the same realization a few years ago. In high school sports our coaches always added 1 or 2 or 6 inches to our height to allegedly add intimidation to the program. I thought it was ridiculous considering the second they saw us they would think that we were pathetic for adding feet to our team. I'm quite sure I was listed as 6 foot at least once. I thought I was on the verge of 5'11 all through high school and never quite understood why my 6'0 brothers still seemed so much taller than me. Perhaps because I was really right at 5'9.

An interesting topic to come up on the day I wear 4 inch (seriously, just measured them) heals to work. Today I am 6 foot!