Plans?

Last night I when I was asked what my New Year's plans were what I said seemed so accurate I thought I'd go ahead and share -

get wasted
cry
fight
puke


P.T. added that it might not be in that order. Touche!

more parties...

After last night's gathering at my aunt & uncle's house, I don't think there's any question that if they ever host again it very well may be kids uninvited. Between the cheese I saw on the stairs, brownie chunks ground into the kitchen floor, and the massacred veggie dip (I'm told that was Jack) I don't think there's much question.

Oh, and it only got better once the noise makers were brought out!

Christmas pictures

Finally!

Shell works it with our Feliz Navidad decorations.
Dad admires the Corona.
I admire his healing pinkie! It's a medical marvel!
The Ry Guy musters a Christmas miracle - smile!Another miracle! Jack stays still long enough to get a picture with Dad!
And he's off!
The dreaded Christmas pinata...
Grandma entertains the ladies. We try to get a picture...

Pinata drama.
That's right... Pat has a 2x4 ready to attack.

This is before I told the girls to close their eyes and jump on the chair while swinging at the pinata. I thought if we were going to be crazy about it, might as well really go all out. Mush is oh-so-happy once the pinata is open and she can double-fist her dum-dums!

New Years... blar blar blar

New Year's is upon us. And who is looking forward to it? Not me! New Year's... a holiday based upon exaggerated expectations, enormous alcohol consumption and... making out with whomever is at had at midnight? No thanks... Not looking forward to it. After all, last year it was the official kick-off to Awkward in '06! I stumbled upon some unfortunate pictures from last year's lameness. Ew. That's all I have to say about that.

Seriously though, who has a good time on New Years?? Let's take a trip down memory lane....
There was the time in high school when my friend got drunk for the first time after 1.5 Bartles & Jaymes and cried hysterically the rest of the night because she was certain that her parents had died in Wichita. yeah...

Then there was the time that Linz and I were hanging out for a low-key New Years - until my friend called to tell me that my high school boyfriend was trash-talkin' me at the party she was at and Linz ended up crying with her Momma over their neighbor's tragic marriage. Dra-ma.

Ok, next!
Celebrating the strawberry, I mean apple drop in Manhattan. Fun. Kinda. Minus the boy drama. I can't remember exactly what the deal was, but can safely guess based on the relationship history that it had to do with me having fun and him not. Jamie and I had fun. The night started fun with the roomies!

Which brings us to last year. Ew. Awkward people, I was only friends with one of the people we were with, and just awkwardness abounding, mainly focused on the horrid tradition of kissing someone at midnight. If only I had a girlfriend to meet me in the bathroom at midnight like Shell told me she used to with her girls. So smart!
Last year was when I debuted The Face.
So this year. The Ry Guy and I are planning on going to his friends' party. Here's to hoping. I think the night going well will depend upon low expectations and somewhat moderate alcohol consumption.

I'll leave you with more thoughts on New Year's, straight from last year's celebration.

Tarred

They are tarring the roof of the next apartment building over. My apartment smells like burning oil. How fabulous.

Oh well, just more motivation to go shopping!!!

Things you do on your day off

1) Attempt to sleep as long as possible, or until Shell inevitably calls and wakes you up.
2) Go see Grandma. Eat at the Little Sisters of the Poor with her. Ponder how they got the chicken to turn pink and the broccoli to turn yellow. Listen to Grandma tell you how you need to get married because your biological clock is tickin' away. Tell her you don't want to, tell her you're too young. Tell her the Ry Guy says he's too young - listen to her call him, "an old man" when you tell her he's 25. Wish that Grandma never had a dream in which you married a man named Fred and then wish that Shell hadn't reminded her about the dream. Wonder to self if anyone 18-35 is even named Fred. Ignore reminders to look for Fred by playing with the kids' hair bows. 3) Continuously apply lip gloss while Shell is in store returning items. Trace outline of lips in dark color. Wonder why anyone ever thought you have big lips. Prove to Shell that you did not in fact go out of the lines of your lips. They actually are that big. Wonder if we will crash while making Shell pose with lips too.
Admire Caroline's photography. Of me.
And her.
4) Take photos of a very very very sleepy Mush.
5) Watch copious amounts of tv. Relish it. Until the damn cable/internet continuously goes out! WTF??
6) Play with hair and makeup. Warm hands by running through newly straightened hair. Admire how eye makeup and shirt match without premeditation. Growl at random blemishes that frame new, gaudy necklace.7) Wonder if book deal will come in before I have to return to work Jan. 3.
8) Curse as cable/internet goes out again.
9) Contemplate all the things you need/want to do this week... oil change... shopping... discover fortune...get book deal....quit job
10) Go to Japanese steak house for dinner!

I know, you can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!!

Merrrrrrrry Christmas!

One of my favorite things about Christmas is greeting people with an overly loud and boisterous, Merrrrrrrrrry Christmas! It's fabu. You should try it out today. If you keep an old holiday movie in mind it really helps you get it perfect.

Christmas with the fam was muy divertido! We celebrated our Feliz Navidad on Saturday with Mexican food from La Mesa in Leavenworth. Mmmmmm..... And - lots of cervezas y margaritas! Aye mis dios! I will have to post pictures later - how else can I explain the terror of a pinata indoors??? But for now - here's some of the mejor momentos de Navidad:

1) GDamnit Sean giving the kids a couple of pounds of silly putty each. Complete with instructions on how to get it out of the carpet!
2) Watching kids open gifts is always fun, but when they say things like, "I was dreaming of this!!" "thank you thank you thank you thank you" and the best - "all of my dreams have come true!!" - how can you resist them?
3) The pinata. So scary. Soooo scary....
4) The pinata aftermath which included Mush double-fisting dum-dums and Caroline running in circles with a kazoo for about an hour while Grace yelled to everyone that, "It's getting too loud in here! Everyone needs to quiet down!"
5) Finding out Dad had three rows of teeth? Wha??? And here I told the Ry Guy that he didn't have a chance with me in the long run because his history of braces let me know that he would be polluting my gene pool. Not so I guess.
6) My presents! They totally rocked!


Merry Christmas everyone! I'm at the Ry Guy's family today - can't wait to give him his last (and best) present!!

TV - I love it.

I have a confession. And I'm not ashamed anymore!

I love TV.

For so long I've felt judged when I'm talking to people who say with disdain that they have never heard of whatever tv show I'm talking about or that they don't own a tv or watch tv. But now I say to them What-Evies! I totally love TV. It's excellent. And I'm ashamed no longer.

I got a raise.

And how did I celebrate? I just ordered cable. Helllz yeah.

You don't like TV? No worries I got internet access at home now too!! Woohoo!!! It's just like Eddie Murphy sang, "She likes to blog all the time, blog all the time, blog all the time..."

Mi otra familia

So this year we decided to adopt a family instead of doing a gift exchange amongst siblings. It was so awesome. We got a family of a pregnant mother, 9 month old and 4 year old. I was lucky enough to be the one to drop off all the gifts at the Catholic Charities - and wow, how fun to see the workers' jaws collectively drop as the pile of gifts from my full truck kept growing.

As much as I bitch about how little I make, things I want that I can't afford, whatever it may be, how blessed am I to know that if I ever was truly in need that I have a enormous family there to help me out. Heck, most of them already have rooms in their houses that their kids still call "Erin's room" from all the time I've stayed with them.

It's so easy to get caught up in all the things I want and don't have, and so easy to forget how lucky I am for everything I already possess. I truly believe the difference between my situation in life and that of the mother of our "other family" might just come down to the blessing I had to be born into my family.


Mom, are you totally vehclempt now?

Red Hott!

I brought SexyBack to my hair last night when I got it cut & highlighted with peekaboo highlights. That are bright red. Oh yeah!

I'm going to go ahead and blame this limp locks look on the rain. Promise it's better than this!

Except... last night the Ry Guy asked why I didn't get green too and then at work today a girl told me it was very festive because they thought that it was temporary for Christmas.

Ew.

Spreading Holiday Cheer

Two ways to spread the holiday cheer at work.


1) Send out this pic. Set it as your background on your computer too. Don't hassle the Hoff at Christmas, baby!




2) As we all know, holidays at work can be awkward - do you give gifts to people? How much to spend, etc, etc. Take that awkwardness and harness it this year! Go up to a coworker - someone that you aren't particularly close to and that is at least moderately polite and mild mannered - and say this:
You: Hey _____ , so are you in the office all week?
Them: Yeah
You: Well, I'm taking some time off this week, I thought we should figure out a time for us to do our gift exchange.
Them:
You: You know, you & me. A time we can get together and exchange our gifts. For Christmas.
Them: Umm
You: Shhh! Don't say anything too loud! I didn't get them (motion to other coworkers) anything!
Them: wha...
You: I said I didn't get them anything! I only got you a gift. So when do you want to do it?

At this point you are forcing them to either pick a time or admit that they didn't get a gift. The person I did this to admitted to no gift. At which point I yelled: You didn't get me a present!?!?!

Unfortunately I also busted out laughing, which let the cat out of the bag. When I told another coworker about this he said if I had asked him when we were doing our exchange he would have just replied tomorrow! Then gone home & figured something out!

It's always good to make people feel awkward at the holidays.

Speaking of boobs...

I ran across this picture while looking for cleav shots & I just can't resist posting it. It's probably one of my all time fav pics. The look on Mom's face... it's priceless. If only it wasn't blurry. But perhaps that adds to its glory...

Confessional

Ok, so here's the entire embarrassing story.
Friday I was bored at work and thinking about how I should change my gmail password. I had recently given someone access to a separate account of mine that had the same password and I thought it was time to update anyway.

I changed the password, then suddenly got busy at work. I thought about writing it down, emailing it to my other, old email account, and logging in several times to get used to typing it.

But I didn't.

20 minutes later and I'm screwed. I can't remember the password. I click on the whole forgot my password biz & it says that it's sending an email to my secondary email account. That was my college account. That I don't have access to. That forwards right back into Gmail.

Great.

So then it says you can use your secret question after FIVE DAYS OF INACTIVITY! Wha!?!?!?

Today was (finally) the fifth day. I was so excited when the question popped up that when it asked my father's middle name I put Michael, then freaked out when it didn't work. I finally gathered my wits & remembered, oh yeah, Dad's name is Michael Joseph!

Success!

So wow, I learned my lesson. I'm an idiot. That's really all I'm taking away from this experience.

Sweaterfest!

Saturday the Ry Guy and I ventured into the Little Apple for Sweaterfest '07, a Celebration of all Things Sweater. Considering it's title, I thought a sweatshirt fell into the category of "all things sweater" but of course people were yelling at me for not wearing a technical sweater. I was like the white trash version of a sweater. But I totally rocked it.

The Ry Guy decided to wear a sweater that I got him to the party. Slightly insulting since it's understood that the sweaters will be ugly/Christmas ugly. Whateva. The Ry Guy also decided that he needed to drive to the Mexican ghetto, the Mexetto shall we, to buy a gangsta hat. I think he missed out on buying the dog tags & matching watch with a five inch face, but, whateva. I wish this showed the brim that has a big heart on and where it says Gangsta.

Anywho, before Sweaterfest we hung out at Erin's house for another party where I was startled by many things.

1) Erin's husband encouraging the Ry Guy to get a gun
2) the Ry Guy's inability to pose with a gun and his hat and look hardcore 3) My friend Tab (who lived with Erin & I) keeps the Erins straight by referring to us as Married Erin and Boobs Erin. I'm not married. And I don't get why she calls me that...



Anywho, Sweaterfest was fun, minus the minor altercation that started by me helping/trying to get a sick drunky out of the bathroom. A buzz-killa and his lame-o gf started screaming at me that "everything was fine until you! You just wanted to go pee!" uhh, yeah, I did. And I don't think that it's wrong of me! Dra-ma!

Anywho, then the 3 foot tall guy came out & started to give the Ry Guy, "the crazy eyes" as he told him to keep his bitch under control.

- that noise you just heard was the needle scratching across the record as the party stopped -

Now, I'm really wondering why he thought that anything about that comment would keep me under control. And you know I'm not letting the Ry Guy step in now. Oh hell no!

Then it just kinda ended.... I think the 3 foot tall guy walked off while the Ry Guy and I were busy trying to fight each/hold each other back as we each tried to be the one who got to kick the midget's ass.

The next day the Ry Guy told me, "I didn't know what had happened, but all of the sudden he was giving me the crazy eyes!" Apparently that's all it takes to get the Ry Guy into fightin' mode.

Here's some fabulous pics from the party. I tried to get the Ry Guy to wear a matching sweatshirt, but he wouldn't put his arms through the arm holes. The result? Not pretty.

The guy who's chair randomly collapsed. With said chair.

To end on a randomly funny note - check out the furniture from our hotel. In Manhattan, Kan. At a Holiday Inn. Ran-dom!

I'm totally back!

In the short amount of time (5 days) since I locked myself out of all thing Google, so much has happened! Most important, everyone has quit reading the blog I'm sure.

Anywho - a brief recap of what's happened in the past 5 days before I spend the next 15 hours blogging non-stop:
-highlighted my hair bright red, and yes, the coworkers had comments, including, "How festive!" because they thought it was for Christmas
-got the biggest freakin' TV EVER from the Ry Guy for Christmas
-went to a sweater party
-got into a fight at said party
-went out to eat with my SuperFan - was accused of being her sister
-dropped off a car load of gifts for our adopted family - so much fun!
-contemplated finding/buying/creating some type of methadone-ish meds for my gmail/google calendar/blogger withdrawal
-finished Christmas shopping!
-and more....

P-I-M-P

This is what everyone missed out on yesterday when I couldn't sign in - a little holidizzle shizzle.
You can pimp your own nutcracka too!

Best gift, EVER

So yesterday we had our work gift exchange. It's crazy. About 50 people in one room, $10 gifts (allegedly), lots of stealing going on. A gift could be stolen 3 times, then the third time it was dead. Needless to say, this whole exchange takes almost two hours, and it's actually extremely entertaining to watch coworkers fight over wine and gift certificates.

There was a ton of alcohol exchanging hands yesterday - check it out.

I contributed what I must say was an excellent gift. To get back at a coworker for a previous prank, another woman & I planned the gift. I went to Goodwill, got a crappy frame for $1.48, then printed 5x7's of this guy's employee photo and stuck them in the frame along with a hidden gift card for $8.50 (I know, short 2 cents). It played out exactly as I hoped. People actually thought he put his own pictures in the exchange. A girl told him later she just thought he was conceited! And the woman who picked the frames was totally p.o.'d because she couldn't find the gift card and thought she was stuck with the crappiest gift of the year. Then when she did find it, she wasn't so happy that I had deducted the price of the frame.

It all worked out in the end, long story short, the frames were used as a pawn in a stealing battle, allowing someone to steal back a gift stolen from them essentially. Then I stole it back at the end when there were only mystery unopened gifts left.

Craziest thing is that someone stole the frame (that's right, it was on display) off my desk yesterday!

Hmmmm.....

The guy who's picture it was also sent me a threatening e-mail - that included a picture from the blog - warning me to increase the security on here. I'm still not quite sure how he got the link... if I sent it to him or what. Whatevies. Hope he enjoys his cameo on here today!

So scary!

YIKES! Yesterday I wasn't able to log into blogger at work - it was blocked, and get this, because of "sex." Wha?? Who knows... I guess I should just be happy that today it's workin'.

Man, that was scary.

bizzonus

Just got my bonus.

Even better than the money was that I started yelling while people were waiting in line outside the office door for their turn. Fun to see their expressions when I left. They had no clue what to think.

My Sweet Nativity

Last night I was so productive it was overwhelming. I cleaned out my closet full of boxes that I never fully unpacked, put up Christmas lights & my nativity (where's my tree? Anyone? Shell??), sewed - that's right, I'm totally hardcore & I fixed the hem of a pair of pants that I had stapled at work one day. (and....the hook of the pants that I half busted off last week....)

One of the biggest finds of the night while combing through all the junk in my closet:

On second thought I thought a fist full of rings was a little more hard-core looking.

I love my nativity scene soooo much. It's painted tin. And it rules. I had to move it all last night to the orange runner, I thought it was more impactful than the yellow formica table. The blue curtains in the background really just pull the whole thing together.

I love how Mary (and the angel) look like they are singing "Aaaaaaa!" or something. You probably have to hear me do it for to make sense, but it's just really high-pitched, pretty ridiculous sound. Aaaaaaaaa! Kinda like the sound when someone gets an idea in a movie, when the lights of heaven shine down. Do you get it now? Unfortunately there's a glare on her (she's tin!) and you can't really even see what I'm talking about...

I also gave Ryan a preview of my sweat(shirt)er for this weekend. We're going to Sweaterfest - a celebration of all things Sweater. I think that includes sweatshirts. Anywho, while examining the gloriousness that is iron-ons and puff paint, I had a flashback! I remember putting this exact Santa on a sweatshirt with Momma when I was young! I started laughing when I remembered how I thought she was such a good artist because she really took that Santa to another level with her precise and artistic application of puff-paint.